But Then Again

I knew I made you to come that night, but deep down I was surprised you did. I was surprised you risked yourself, and everything else that had kept us apart for the most part of the year. Our final year together. Even now, I'm not sure if you knew that it could have tarnished and hurt you had they found out our secret meeting that night. I wasn't afraid of anything that night. In fact, I had never been afraid of anything when it was you on the other side. Did I ever tell you back then that I liked to catch you alone? I loved it when there were only you and me for you would be yourself, the one that I knew exactly like the first day we met.

Just like that night.

In all honesty, I never knew I would ever be with you again. But that night, when I saw you walking towards me, and each step brought you nearer to me, I knew you just made my foolish, most imbecilic and childish wish come true. I felt like a terrified yet overwhelmed child, seeing Santa Clause right in front of him, after so many years wishing, wishing, wishing and wishing. But you made so many dreams of mine come true, just by being there, with me, that night.

You turned my life into a world I'd never imagined that night. A world devoid of forlornness. I had no intention to walk away. More than anything, I wanted to stay there, just with you. I wouldn't want to run, unless running would bring me closer to you.

That night, you made me the happiest man on earth. I had never laughed so much before. Your jokes were flat-out mindless, as they had always been. How someone with a poker face like you could crack a joke I would never know. But I did know I could listen to your stupid jokes all my life and just laugh my heart out. After all, you were the one who first made me feel 'home' there just by a single banter. You toned down the rage in me with all your silly jokes that you conjured up out of thin air. At times, I think to myself, how would it feel like to have you telling me all these lies while sitting on a wooden bench with the beautiful sound of waves crashing to the shore? With the stars falling all for us and the moon bathing down the light from above on us? Only you and me?

And the way you smiled that night. You smiled and laughed at your own jokes. Idiot. But that smile of yours, it would make Mona Lisa despise and curse herself.

How I wish I could tell you about the things I have done ever since. Fill you in on the things you have missed. Well, that's your loss. Not mine. Tell you how the very thought of you has helped me going through so much in my life. Those times when I felt like I could not go on. When I felt like everything around me came crushing down and falling apart. Those times when things were pitch black around me and I was lost and faltering on my knees. And I was so close to embracing defeats.

That was when I thought about that night that we had. I thought of you. Your silly jokes. Your infectious laughter. Your beautiful, beautiful smile. And I found the strengths I needed to pick up the pieces in my life, walk into the light and give it another go.

I miss you. I really, really miss you.

But that night, when we were together, deep down I knew.

I knew it would be for the last time.