But Then Again

By God, I've tried to be cool and just shrug it off, saying that it's just another goodbye in life. Another separation.

But I just can't.

I'm so goddamn forlorn now that my TESL chums from IPKB and IPG are leaving soon.
I'm tired of crying. I'm fucking tired of it. I mean, what's that for? They are leaving, anyway.

For the past few days, I've been spending most of my time with them. We took so many photos together. We did a crazy road trip. Climbed up Broga Hills. We did so many other things I can't be bothered to mention each of them for I am too goddamn distraught. We had so much fun within this whole week it made me really upset. Goddamn upset at the sudden burst of realization that I didn't grab the chance before to spend more time with them. I was so frigging caught up with my assignments and in my own life.

Worst, I was plain oblivious to the things that I could have done with them. The time I could have spared to be with them and just totally be with them. All the places we could have been. All the good things we could have experienced. I was goddamn selfish. I was stuck up. I was idiot. I was a classic dope. I was a moronic imbecile.

Goddamn it. I'm fucking sad right now.

I wish I could freeze time. I wish I could just turn back time.

But hell, no. It's well beyond my might - and the shame is all on me. So now, I am pathetically clinging on every second left just to be with them. Last night alone, we had such a wonderful dinner by the lake together. We teased each other, made fun out of everyone and just laughed our hearts out. I looked everyone in the eyes, listened to them. Really, really listened. For the first time, I felt like I could see them right into their own selves. Each and everyone. Things that made them just beautifully rare and different. Their nature. Their smiles. The way they laughed.

I felt genuinely content. It was an indescribable joy.

Alas, the joy slashed me little by little inside, for I knew it wouldn't last.

I knew despite the all the grins and laughter, we were well aware that it would be for the last time. It was merely our feeble attempt to defy and delay something inevitable ahead.

I'm seriously gonna miss you guys. All the memories. I might have never said this out loud, but I love each and everyone of you. We might not have always been on the same page, but hell to it. We are all flawed. Who in the hell cares? All I want is to have more time with you guys but I know it's way too late now.

Tell me, why do good things come to an end?

It hurts. It fucking hurts me.