Friday Woes

I can't believe I feel so empty today.

What day is today, anyway? Oh, Friday. Could it be Friday Blues? I've heard about Monday Blues but I'm not really sure about woes on Friday. I don't even feel like confiding in Mr. Google for anything today. It feels like my routine has lost its mojo to keep me alive.

I woke up today with no interest to look at your face on my wallpaper. I actually felt terribly awful because usually looking at your face would be the perfect kick-off for me. That was the first (and the clearest) indication that today wouldn't be a happy day for me. I locked myself in the bathroom. I streamed down water, hoping that it could drown me. Yet I couldn't feel the water running on my skin. I felt dry as desert. No sound. Just emptiness.

Then I thought I would be okay after Friday prayer. Nope. I actually turned down Safwan's offer to ride on his car. I just wanted to walk and be alone. I didn't even feel like talking. I logged in Facebook and looked that people were up to something every day. Perfect. It made me feel even emptier. I logged out. I felt disconnected to the rest of the world and I felt nothing.

I didn't even update myself on tennis page today. I just didn't care who won and who lost. I tried to lift my decimated spirit by playing tennis online, but I lost in the first round. I always win the whole thing. Not losing in the effing first round. So I closed the page and went to sleep.

Now I'm wide awake, I realize that I haven't had my dinner. But I'm tired of eating. What a thing to say, Aziz. What a cocky and selfish thing to say. Somewhere in this world, people are fighting, children are crying for food. And you don't feel like eating just because you are in one of your moronic moods. Sometimes, all you need is a good kick up the behind. You are really a frustrating being.

But despite all these crappy things, there is something odd to it that I've just realized. I've actually been listening to Pixie Lott 'Cry Me Out' all day long, and it makes me feel something. It's not contentment. It's not misery. Definitely not hope. Love? Far from it. I don't know. Some things are not worth knowing. Perhaps this is one of them.

Well, at least I feel 'anonymous' feeling today. That is something if you consider just how shitty this day has been for me. Sorry, my profanity alarm is not functioning today.

So, yes, cheers to that.

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