But Then Again

Everything has beginnings. And mine happened to be when I did my Pre Degree in TESL back in Kuantan 3 years ago. (Now they call it Asasi TESL. What an ugly name).

When I received my first exam slip as a university student, I was thrilled! I got above 3! And my result was the third highest among male students! I was over the moon! Up, up, high!

And down I fell. On my bottom. Hard and flat.

My other friends obtained much better grade that I did. 3.5, 3.6.That was the moment I told myself that I am not a son of a bachelor and that God has given me enough brain to be just as good, if not better.

Ever since, I had never obtained less than 3.5 for three consecutive semesters until my third semester degree which I redeemed straight back the following sem; last semester. The realization that came toppling down on my head 3 years ago has turned me into a grade-conscious student. I can't even look at any other grades on my exam slips other than A; minus, solid or plus. I shudder at the sight of B. That letter is diseased.

This new attitude has produced good results, too. I have twice obtained straight As.

However, as time getting closer for me to complete my studies, it seems to me there are things much more important than just racking up As in examinations.

And one of them is racking up knowledge that matters from experienced lecturers.

I used to be a student who would go for lecturers who appeared lenient in assessing me. But I have done a lot of thinking lately and asking myself "what's the point of it?" Racking up As that do not indicate anything. As that at the end of the day you could not even tell what have you learned until you deserve such grade. And most importantly, how are those As going to help me as a teacher later on? The moment you ask yourself these questions, you know you are going to be a good teacher. (No offense. Haha)

That's when I decided to give this foolish little pride up and start tracking down lecturers who possess more than letter A to give away. Thank God, praise be to Allah, this intuition that He rained down on me has been a bless and so much rewarding that I thought it would be.

I am glad that my current lecturers have been so much terrific. They impart knowledge that not only written in textbooks, but the ones that they have obtained through sweat and tears in the world of teaching. They make me think, contemplate and reason things.

And they inspire. They gear my ignorant brain into thinking.

And who in the world says that being young is a bliss when you know you are inexperienced and plain stupid? My lecturers know a lot and I envy that for one thing. Most.

As one of my wise lecturers once said to us "At the end of the day, when you go to school and your peer teachers and even your students questioning your proficiency and knowledge, you might want to look back and ask yourself what have you actually learned back in University". These words were, and still are downright intimidating.

I thank God that he has blessed me with unwavering belief that I can make it. I can be a straight As student if I put enough effort. But I want the As to indicate my ability. My real world resistance. And I will not stop perfecting myself.

Who says being perfect is impossible? What is impossible is wishing for inhumane perfection. When you do mistakes, have flaws and ups and downs in life and you deal with them with continuous and utter conviction, you are a perfect human being.

And I want to be one.